HEY! Do you want to feel SO ENERGETIC?

Try Powerthirst! Energy drinks for people who need GRATUITOUS AMOUNTS OF ENERGY!

With all new flavors like Shockolate! Chocolate energy! It's like adding chocolate to AN ELECTRICAL STORM!

Sound the alarm! You're going to be UNCOMFORTABLY ENERGETIC!

What's that? You want strawberry? How about RAWBERRY! Made with lightning! REAL LIGHTNING!

SPORTS! AAAAAAH! You'll be good at them!

It's an energy drink for men! MENERGY!

These aren't your dad's puns! They're energy puns! TURBOPUNS!

SCIENCE! ENERGY! SCIENCE! ENERGY! Electrolytes! Powerlytes! Turbolytes! More lytes than YOUR BODY HAS ROOM FOR!

You'll be so fast mother nature will be like "slooooow dooooown" and you'll be like "fuck you!" and kick her in the face with your ENERGY LEGS!

You'll have so much energy energy! AAAAAAH! Just running ALL THE TIME!

Power running! Power lifting! Power sleeping! Power dating! Power eating! Power laughing! Power spawning babies! You'll have so many babies! 400 BABIES!

Give Shockolate to your babies and make them good at SPORTS! Make your babies run ABNORMALLY FAST!

They'll run as fast as KENYANS! People will see them running and think they're KENYANS! They'll race as fast as KENYANS against actual KENYANS and it'll be a tie and they'll get deported back to KENYA!

Hey! Go with a sure thing! Don't gamble on your energy!

SNAKE EYEEEEEEES!

Try Powerthirst! The energy drink that will make you AAAAAAH! SPORTS! AAAAAAH!